Jump to content
Indianapolis Colts
Indianapolis Colts Fan Forum

Deadspin Series - "Why your team..."

GoPats

By GoPats
in NFL General

 Share

Recommended Posts

GoPats Practice Squad

GoPats

Posted
Posted

Every preseason, Deadspin runs a series of "Why Your Team Sucks" articles, 32 of them with each focusing on one NFL team.

It's pretty funny if you are not thin-skinned and don't take it seriously at all. (If you do... don't click. You'll only be hurting yourself.)

Haven't seen the one for the Patriots yet but the Colts' write-up is up:

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-indianapolis-colts-1617529298

As is the Broncos':

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-denver-broncos-1623790699

Enjoy!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Synthetic Walk On

Synthetic

Posted
Posted

I loved the Saints article

 

 

 

If only he were more that like Rob Ryan. GOD BLESS WOLFMAN ROB. Now there's a real outlaw. There's a man who will spend one hour a week designing low hits and the rest of the week importing THC-infused HGH from across the Mexican border. In this offseason alone, Rob went to Hooters, Mardi Gras, a St. Patrick's Day parade, the airport, and a Greek festival. Now that is a full, rich life. That is a man with culture, god dammit.

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:  Rob Ryan loves New Orleans, and we love him back, that's for sure!

 

 

rob-ryan-drink-with-fans-595x446.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ColtsBlueFL Team Captain

ColtsBlueFL

Posted
Posted

Some of these are hilarious..

 

The QB is a sky ogre

Marshall Faulk: was really good for the Rams

Eric Dickerson: was really good for the Rams

 

 

 

:lol:

I saw the video clip of Luck and the Frankengoober and Sky Ogre comments, I LOL'd.  And I could not get this out of my mind from Numbers Never Lie video short-

 

"He's likable and scary at the same time. He's like a Muppet version of Wolverine from X-men"

 

muppetwolverine_zps79d140ed.png

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCrSJvlRhHY

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bobbycovert Walk On

Bobbycovert

Posted
Posted

I laughed so hard. But he was song about the cloud clomid thing. Even my wife says women shouldn't take it to get pregnant. It raises testosterone.

 

Everything I've read states that it is intended to facilitate ovulation and is the most widely used fertility drug by women.  It has off-label benefits to men that can include fertility and transitions out of steroid cycles.  I would really like to believe Mathis on this one but its tough not to be skeptical.  Clomid is infamous for being used in conjunction with PEDS.  Anywhere you read about it lists that as an off-label usage. Also, it seems there is a medical exemption available to players in situations similar to Mathis'.  I don't understand how he couldn't know about the reputation of clomid.  I can't really explain why he wouldn't mention this to the Colts staff or seek the medical exemption from the league.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
GoPats Practice Squad

GoPats

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Those are always a good laugh as long as you do not have a stick up your butt and can laugh at your own team being made fun of.

 

Exactly. It's like one of those comedy "roasts." 

 

The Patriots one is, usually, exceptionally brutal. So I'm thinking Drew's saving that for towards the end. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jules Walk On

Jules

Posted
Posted

 

The Patriots one is, usually, exceptionally brutal. So I'm thinking Drew's saving that for towards the end. 

 

It will be great. He usually does a good job making fun of Boston fans. I thought this years Colts one was brutal, but funny. I laughed hard. Between Irsay, Indiana fans having a fetish for the Broncos on the side and how Luck looks along with Trent Richardson there was a lot of easy material. Oh and Mathis.

 

Denver wrote it's own jokes this year due to the SB massacre. My favorites were about John Fox. And the comments like "fans are still asking if we can get Tebow back."

 

I didn't read the others much yet but the Chiefs one was funny due to the playoff loss.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
GoPats Practice Squad

GoPats

Posted
  • Author
Posted

It will be great. He usually does a good job making fun of Boston fans. I thought this years Colts one was brutal, but funny. I laughed hard. Between Irsay, Indiana fans having a fetish for the Broncos on the side and how Luck looks along with Trent Richardson there was a lot of easy material. Oh and Mathis.

 

Denver wrote it's own jokes this year due to the SB massacre. My favorites were about John Fox. And the comments like "fans are still asking if we can get Tebow back."

 

I didn't read the others much yet but the Chiefs one was funny due to the playoff loss.

 

I loved the John Fox "first onside punt" in the history of the league line.  :clap:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
southwest1 Walk On

southwest1

Posted
Posted

Cheers for putting this in the Colts comments section

 

Do they offer huge savings? You know full moon discounts for the elderly & the disabled...I wonder if half price discounts are called crack sales? Hmmm...Plumbers would like that I imagine. 

 

Andy Williams eat your heart out baby! Oh yeah.  haha

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
southwest1 Walk On

southwest1

Posted
Posted

"We 'toughened' up on defense by adding a guy who was knocked out of a game by Wes Welker." The dude is injure prone that's for sure. 

 

I must admit this this Aqib Talib CB reference now in Denver did make me crack a smile. Darn it Butt Drugs! I have too much junk in the truck on my brain right now. 

 

"Highest scoring team in NFL history. Of course, none of that means anything when you reach the Super Bowl and get destroyed."

 

Truer words were never more accurate. Sigh. The best humor speaks a grain of truth unfortunately. Right Manning? Oh, I always forget that Peyton refuses to answer relevant post SB questions. LOL! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
southwest1 Walk On

southwest1

Posted
Posted

Does Butt Drugs bring in any aging music acts to celebrity their anniversary? Like Sir Mix A Lot singing "I like big butts & I cannot lie." Or Trace Adkins with "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk?" 

 

I can do these backdoor jokes all night long man.  ;)

Or maybe a medley of best songs from the following Black Crowes album below: In case you can't read it, it says "Shake Your Money Maker." Okay, SW1 will tone it down now.

 

the-black-crowes-shake-your-money-maker-

Link to comment
Share on other sites
southwest1 Walk On

southwest1

Posted
Posted

Let me know when the Patriots satire gets posted BTW. I hope it includes something on HC BB being too loose lipped & talkative at press conferences. LOL! Something he learned from his best buddy Rex Ryan. You gotta work the Pats/Jets rivalry in their somehow right? 

 

Bill is so cloak & dagger in his public demeanor that he should ponder being a TV Broadcaster in the NFL booth after he walks away from football entirely. Just Kidding! John Madden never shut up in the booth & it would be funny to hear Bill do play by play formation schemes over the radio or TV.

 

Bill is very smart. I've just never heard him speak for say 10 minutes straight. He's very quiet & close to the vest. Can you picture him giving a university commencement address? I can't, but I'd listen though. 

 

Talk about how Tom Brady extracted Josh McDaniels from Mile High Hades & resurrected his NFL career. Only Teasing! I actually like Josh an innovative OC IMO. 

 

And also, work in how the Dolphins can't stomp any other squad in the league other than NE. Who knew fins were so darn lethal man?  haha Then play mission impossible music as you send someone behind Miami enemy lines to discover the vaccine to this losing disease etc. etc. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
southwest1 Walk On

southwest1

Posted
Posted

An amendment to my previous post above GP. Make sure the Mission Impossible theme song is from MI2 directed by John Woo. This version has some teeth to it & pounding drums. Just the way I like it. 

 

 

I'm not a huge Tom Cruise fan either, but this song has the right covert intensity to a dark of night reconnaissance, infiltration operation for NE IMHO. Just looking out for your franchise man.  :thmup: 

 

It would be nice to see no SpyGate jokes for once. You know be original kind of thing. I admire NE because you guys are tough as hades & you almost always win despite the obstacles in front of you. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
southwest1 Walk On

southwest1

Posted
Posted

This picture makes me think of me because I finally break down & buy 18's jersey & then Jim Irsay cuts him loose. Just my Luck man. Okay not funny, but comedy is a volume business. Quantity vs quality right?

 

If this guy truncated that dual jersey using both INDY QB last names, it would say Man-Luck. I don't roll that way dude. Sorry bad joke. Okay, don't quit my day job. I know. I know. 

 

The Weather Girls - "It's Raining Men"

 

"It's raining men, Hallelujah, it's raining men, Amen

It's raining men, Hallelujah, it's raining men, Amen
 
 

 

ac4gwninjpigv8thippx.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites
southwest1 Walk On

southwest1

Posted
Posted

"Because our owner is miffed that fans haven't started #JimStrong to support his recovery from drug addiction. (Seriously, here's the interview where he compares fighting cancer to fighting addiction). 

 

Rusak made this point once on the ludicrous nature of comparing a real disease to self inflicted addiction. The more I think about it; the more I think ruksak is right. Cancer & a psychological weakness or dependency to pills or alcohol are not the same thing. 

 

I like Jim but it was a lame comparison. Ruk is right. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
GoPats Practice Squad

GoPats

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Let me know when the Patriots satire gets posted BTW. I hope it includes something on HC BB being too loose lipped & talkative at press conferences. LOL! Something he learned from his best buddy Rex Ryan. You gotta work the Pats/Jets rivalry in their somehow right? 

 

Bill is so cloak & dagger in his public demeanor that he should ponder being a TV Broadcaster in the NFL booth after he walks away from football entirely. Just Kidding! John Madden never shut up in the booth & it would be funny to hear Bill do play by play formation schemes over the radio or TV.

 

Bill is very smart. I've just never heard him speak for say 10 minutes straight. He's very quiet & close to the vest. Can you picture him giving a university commencement address? I can't, but I'd listen though. 

 

Talk about how Tom Brady extracted Josh McDaniels from Mile High Hades & resurrected his NFL career. Only Teasing! I actually like Josh an innovative OC IMO. 

 

And also, work in how the Dolphins can't stomp any other squad in the league other than NE. Who knew fins were so darn lethal man?  haha Then play mission impossible music as you send someone behind Miami enemy lines to discover the vaccine to this losing disease etc. etc. 

 

Haven't seen it yet but here's the one from 2013:

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2013-new-england-patriots-1238962098

 

Just a little sampling: 

 

  • MILF-hunting sociopath Bill Belichick, who makes draft choices like a music snob who intentionally chooses the most obscure bands possible for his year end top-10 list.

 

  • When Joe Flacco is the best player on the field in your home stadium in the playoffs two years in a row, you are not poised for some magical return to dominance. 

 

  • The pass defense is wholly reliant on Aqib Talib NOT beating up a cab driver. 
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Synthetic Walk On

Synthetic

Posted
Posted

This was on the money about the Skins.

 

 

Forget about the whole nickname debate. Dan Snyder is never going to change the nickname, because fighting against the dirty liberal media is the only way that sad, lonely man will ever be able to make friends. The only way he renames the team is if he gets a new stadium in exchange, because it's just like Dan Snyder to defend his integrity and then offer it as a bargaining chip. The thing is that it's not just the name Redskins that is offensive—it is the REDSKINS who are offensive. They are a venal, nauseating organization. Trotting out senile code-talkers and fake chiefs, forcing announcers to pimp Redskins Facts during game broadcasts, suing season ticket holders, suing newspapers, booting up the Washington Redskins Original Americans Foundation—which serves as its own form of satire—these are all symptoms of a company that is offensive on some level deeper than that of a stupid nickname.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...