KaylaD's Blog

Kayla,

Yes, this growing epidemic of school violence is certainly disturbing & troubling. In my day, no school had drug sniffing dogs, metal detectors, or a constant onsite police presence either. We all need a safe learning & working environment in this world.

Not to get too political in nature, but stagnant wages, the rising cost of living, & a lack of iron clad job security with excellent medical benefits does play more than a minor role in this dilemma, especially as more & more parents are gone working multiple jobs just to make ends meet. In addition, tragically a college degree doesn't guarantee future prosperity & longevity anymore either.

I don't have any concrete solutions to offer you other than to remind you & everyone else out there to hug their friends & family members & tell them frequently that you love & appreciate them. People often lash out in violence & suicide when they think no one cares about them. Everyone has merit. Everyone has value. Everyone has unique gifts.

I, for one, appreciate my family & my friends on Colts Forum like Kayla, Brent, MIColtsFan, Barry, Maureen, & several other remarkable individuals as well. Thank you Kayla for having the courage to speak so openly, honestly, & courageously about this topic. It shows that you truly care.

Thank you for the comments! I appreciate it. I'm sure all of that does have something to do with it. I know there is probably no simple solution to this but would like to think that together we could all make a change for the better. You never know when a kind word you say could make the difference in another person's day. Just a simple hello and noticing someone. I think sometimes these kids feel like they are just invisible. I think too many times they are just judged as "bad" kids or different or anything. They get labled instead of someone saying why are they like this. In my opinion a lot of times when these kids act out it is not because they are bad. They have problems and need help. If they are just always labeled as trouble or if they just keep getting bullied and no one helps then they feel they are all alone and no one understands them. I am obviously passionate about this. I hate to see things like this happen and think what were the warning signs? Not saying that there were but it just makes you wonder what was going on before this.

It's a complex problem. And I agree, nothing is more important than our youth.

Violent kids grow up to become violent adults. On my daughters college campus, there have been 2 assaults within two blocks of where she lives in the past two weeks.

This last one.......a group of young men attacked a student.....hit him on the back of the head with a board........he took 17 staples to his head.

They didn't take his wallet........so, the assault was what they were wanting to do.

I'm with you Kayla, it's very scary and hugely concerning. I think for kids, the school is their "world" so to speak, so this is where rage and frustration is acted out. I think stopping this epidemic starts with the parents. I'm going to open a huge can of worms here, but last year a young man age 15 took his own life. There was a huge backlash in the community and an uproar about bullying as his parents blamed bullying, however, many in the community and neighbors know of a different story in which the real bullying was happening at home. He could of taken his rage out on the school, but instead took his own life, instead of others, but still a tragedy. I fortunately live in a pretty good community, with parents who not only love their children, but actively participate in their upbringing including their education and sports and also share in the parenting with the community. I think one of the biggest reasons my kids are so good, is because of how many people they would disappoint in the community if they did not. They genuinely care about what their friends parents think of them, what our pastor and their youth counselors think of them, and what their teachers think of them. They have pride in themselves and the image they put out there and that comes from the home and starts early with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. It does take a village and communities need to help each other raise good kids and show them their worth. If a child has no self worth, they have no respect for anything.

I have really strong opinions on this topic, and quite frankly can get way out of line concerning today's youth.

I will keep it simple. Every child has the right to go to school in a safe environment. I had 4 guys that wanted to hurt me from the time I started high school until I finished. I am not going to kid you I was one tough kid. I still was constantly looking over my shoulder, and sometimes worried who was around the corner or down the hall. I even talked to Dad about how to handle it.

Dad was a principal himself, and he said no need to "get suspended for not controlling your own emotions." I have used that phrase throughout my life since especially in some very bad situations where my emotions came very close to getting the best of me. Thanks Pops. I love you!!!

By the way......those guys never wanted one on one with me.....they tried to gang up.....never happened!!!!

I went to school in New York and we had metal detectors and drug sniffing dogs and this was the 80's...same with gangs and violence. Though the majority also got a kick in the rear from our Parents when we were out of line. Manners and proper social etiquite were demanded regardless of our social standing or those around us trying to bring us down to their level. We also found creative outlets like sports, music, auto mechanics and other hobbies as the tv wasn't on 24-7 and we didn't have video games that condoned killing other people at our fingertips. Which leads me to think that between some of these games and the disassociation of the internet that children are becomming desensitized(sp?) and are not fully grasping the consequences of their actions? This coupled with a seemingly increasing sense of entitlement that today's youth seems to have is a recipe for what is going on...

While I personally have never bought into the violent video game argument leading to direct cases of aggressive confrontation and tragic bloodshed, the influence & interaction of active parents & a community setting that fosters responsibility, ethics, & hardwork really does matter in this circumstance as you so eloquently suggested Wyld1.

People have tried to falsely associate listening to heavy metal music with gruesome violence too. There is no scientific evidence to correlate this severely flawed premise either. Music & games aren't responsible for tragedy here, but maybe a feeling of alienation, isolation, & torment by bullies is. I don't know.

Thank you all for your comments. I will never fully understand why acts of violence like this occur. I can't wrap my mind around why someone would want to do a thing like that. I agree with a lot of things said here. I think the parents, teachers, community, all the adults play a crucial role. Kids need good role models. Live and be the way you would want your child to be. Kids need discipline. They need structure and they need to just be kids. Go outside and play. Use there imaginations. Do anything that gets them active. Don't let your kids just sit inside all the time. Our bodies were made to move and do things not be sedentary. I really like what MiColtsFan said, children need to know there worth. They need to know how much they mean to everyone that loves them. Help your child to have a high confidence level. Praise them for things they do well or for just being them. As many times as they are punished they should also have compliments, If all they ever hear is everything they do wrong then it will lead to negative feelings. I also agree with Wyld1. They need to be well aware of the consequences for the actions they choose. They need to know when they choose to do wrong this is what is going to happen. I emphasize the word choose because it is a choice. They need to be taught morals and know how to choose to do good. The youth today do feel very entitled. I do not get that either. They think everyone owes them something. The world should give them something. Not all youth but a lot are like this. I have never been given anything I did not work for. I think they need to learn the value of hard work. I think when you work hard and earn things on your own you develop a sense of pride and accomplishment. You get the attitude of "I can do this". Maybe they need to have this feeling. I agree with you Brent, children deserve to feel safe at school. They are there to get an education not worry about there safety. Your dad teaching you how to contriol your emotions is a great thing. I think maybe now days there are a lot of kids that do not have that person who teaches them that. I think they are lacking role models. I do not have any objection to children playing video games or computer time. I think there is a time they can do that but it should be considered a luxury not a given. They should have a time limit on how long they can do these things. They need to understand that the games are not real and they cannot do the things from them in the real world. If they do not follow rules take those things away. They are not something a kid needs just something they want. Take it away when they do not do what is expected. That is just my thoughts after reading through the comments. Thank you all again for your comments, I appreciate it!

"I have never been given anything I did not work for. I think they need to learn the value of hard work. I think when you work hard and earn things on your own you develop a sense of pride and accomplishment. You get the attitude of 'I can do this'".

BINGO Kayla! It boils down to developing a specific sense of pride in your own work. I worked hard to buy this new gaming system, stereo, or computer. If a person can claim that fact, they are more likely to respect other people's property, other people's overall wellbeing, & most important of all: Themselves.

Very well said Kayla. Bravo!!!

Well one troublesome trend I see is that the occurences that we are speaking about are coming from non inner-city schools. My video game/lack of reality sprinkled with a heavy dose of disassociation assertation can't be ignored, imo? How are children that aren't pre-disposed to violence via their environment capable of these acts of blatant violence? I have watched and dis-allowed certain games in my home and trust me, I live up to my moniker ;)...that I felt were unproductive and sending the wrong message to youth. Grand Theft Auto comes to mind....you pick up a hooker, use her, beat her and throw her out of your car without paying???? That is only one of many...heavy metal has nothing on this! You couple that with absentee parenting and the un-reality of the web and it is a recipee for disaster and a path my Daughter won't be going down

I have a son and he had video games but none like that. He has cartoon video games like Star Wars and Mario, and games that help him learn. I am a single parent and do my best to teach my son right and wrong. We have a set of rules and he knows the consequences. In his parent/teacher conference, his teacher told me how he was such a good and sweet boy. She said I can tell you work with him at home and that he has rules. Apparently there are some who do not. Some of the things he tells me other kids do just shocks me.

Exactly and I tip my hat to you as we owe our Children everything the world has to offer that is positive and productive

Wyld1,

Any parent is entitled to raise & discipline their children as they see fit. I did not mean to imply that some video games aren't violent, cruel to individuals, or make some people numb to the real life consequences of aggressive behavior. My only point was that external forces like music, video games, & a deeming attitude toward women can only have power & influence if no mentor is there to guide, mold, & channel their aspirations in a positive direction that's all.

Often, in cases of extreme tragedy like a school shooting, society & the journalists that report on these stories often look for an easy scapegoat to rationalize & come to terms with an unforeseen tragedy that no one can make sense of & music & other false external forces are usually incorrectly assigned blamed for it. This is exactly what was reported at Columbine in Michael Moore's documentary "Bowling For Columbine" in Colorado. Was there any truth to this rumor? Of course not, but the press churned out this erroneous allegation anyway.

I think we are both essentially advocating for a strong parental presence in the home to aid in a child's positive development. My only point here is to be cautious of easy scapegoats for abnormal violent behavior in others. When people can't explain why bloodshed has erupted in a public setting, they might jump to unfounded conclusions that have no bearing on recent events like music or video game content. I guess when can agree to disagree & still be civil to each other. Thank you for your viewpoint Wyld1. It is immensely appreciated. Have a nice evening.

I did not take your comments any other way than you just expressed....have a great evening friend

I'm with you Wyld1.. are far as child psychology goes, many parents fail to account for their childs readiness to deal with violent images, sex, inappropriate behavior etc, whether it's a video game or a movie. If a child is still believing in santa or other such fantasies (tooth fairy, etc) they are unable to separate fantasy from reality and are very likely to believe those images they are seeing are how people are supposed to behave. The age children are exposed to these images is very important and some people start that way to young, then wonder why their 13 is pregnant. I'm not blaming media for people's actions, it's just a small part of the psychological puzzle in child development and I again go back to a child knowing their self worth, this starts very young.

It is the parents responsibility to monitor what there children see, via tv, internet, video games, etc. We cannot be with them 24/7 but can control what goes on in our own home. Kids today are exposed to things way too early. I have to blame some parents for allowing a lot of it to happen. If it is ok to view things at home and that in the norm that could very well translate into the real world. Kids are highly impressionable. It is up to us to make sure they are most impressed bu us the parents. Parents need to stay invloved in there lives. Ask them how there day was. What did they do? Who are they friends with? I think sometimes parents brush way to many things off. Maybe with the world the way it is now, a lot of moms cannot afford to be stay at home moms. Many kids come home to no one being there. No one to talk to about the day. No one to greet them. The parents get home from work, they are tired. The rest of the story plays itself out. We just have to do the best we can for our children. Be the example of what we want them to be.

No question about it. Parenting is a delicate balancing act. They must be an active not passive participant in their lives, but they cannot monitor there every moment either. They must trust that the values instilled in their children will make them sincere, caring, & responsible individuals when no one is there to watch over them.

The days of stay at home mom's, or dad's too for that matter, is a remote luxury that most parents cannot afford anymore in this economy. Parents do their best with the resources available to them & I applaud every single parent out there. Growing up in the 1970's & 1980's was a whole different animal then it is now. Spending time with your child or children is so difficult when you are exhausted, tired, & famished from a long day at work. Bills must be paid, dinner must be cooked, homework must be completed, & the status of your child's day must be inquired about...But, who checks in on the emotional status of mom or dad regularly? Remember to ask your parents how they are holding up too. We all need a reprieve from the rut of our daily lives & parents are no exception to this rule either.

I appreciate all parents out there in the world trying to mold & raise responsible adults we can all be proud of. It is seldom said but Thank you parents for all the tireless work you all do everyday & rarely get credit for. None of us would be where we are without our parents who cared about us enough to give us "tough love" when we needed it. Thank you.

Its funny we were just talking about "tough love" at work today. My friend was saying her daughter and her never got along when she was a teenager. She always thought she was such a "mean" mom. She said when she left for college she wrote her a little note.

She told her I know right now you do not like me very much. I know you think I am mean and do not understand why I do the things I do. You do not understand that everything I do is because I love you. One day everything I have done that you think is so "mean" will make sense. You are forever my daughter and I will always love you no matter what.

She said now her daughter has a family of her own. A husband and 2 children and she acts just like her! Ha ha. Funny how that stuff happens.

On 2/28/2012, 11:00:41, BrentMc11 said:

I have really strong opinions on this topic, and quite frankly can get way out of line concerning today's youth.

I will keep it simple. Every child has the right to go to school in a safe environment. I had 4 guys that wanted to hurt me from the time I started high school until I finished. I am not going to kid you I was one tough kid. I still was constantly looking over my shoulder, and sometimes worried who was around the corner or down the hall. I even talked to Dad about how to handle it.

Dad was a principal himself, and he said no need to "get suspended for not controlling your own emotions." I have used that phrase throughout my life since especially in some very bad situations where my emotions came very close to getting the best of me. Thanks Pops. I love you!!!

By the way......those guys never wanted one on one with me.....they tried to gang up.....never happened!!!!

I just love this!!!