The Indianapolis Colts SUCK.(satire)

[Steamboat_Shaun]

Just saw this article online, obviously satire, but hilarious nonetheless. I figured in lieu of our devastating preseason loss on Saturday, it would give some of you either a chuckle, or just make your negative opinions about this team feel more justified. If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was personally written by a handful of Forum members.

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-indianapolis-colts-1617529298

 

There are about 15 articles, each dedicated to a different NFL team. It's worthwhile reading through some of them, they're pretty funny.

[jameszeigler834]

Just saw this article online, obviously satire, but hilarious nonetheless. I figured in lieu of our devastating preseason loss on Saturday, it would give some of you either a chuckle, or just make your negative opinions about this team feel more justified. If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was personally written by a handful of Forum members.

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-indianapolis-colts-1617529298

 

There are about 15 articles, each dedicated to a different NFL team. It's worthwhile reading through some of them, they're pretty funny.

That is nonsense the colts don't suck because of one bad game don't worry about the haters they will hate and the colts will stun everybody and go to the playoffs again just don't know how far they will go.

[Coffeedrinker]

That is nonsense the colts don't suck because of one bad game don't worry about the haters they will hate and the colts will stun everybody and go to the playoffs again just don't know how far they will go.

Wow, you didn't even read it did you?

 

I must be getting old but that article was not funny at all.  IMO, if a person has to throw a swear word in there every 4 or 5 words it's because he/she is not smart enough to say anything else.

Although some of their points are actually valid but for the most part it was just idiocy written by *s.

[lollygagger8]

[Smurphy1]

The author does a whole series of "Why X team sucks" every year and it always covers every team. Some are better than others. It's easier to write a post about why a team sucks when it actually does suck.

[pgt_rob]

Lol @ Tom Raper RV comment.

[ColtsLegacy]

That is nonsense the colts don't suck because of one bad game don't worry about the haters they will hate and the colts will stun everybody and go to the playoffs again just don't know how far they will go.

Oh my lanta. You didn't even read the first sentence of the OP.

[The Fish]

After reading a few more of those links, it's pretty clear that the author really doesn't like the Colts. 

The only thing that made me think about laughing was calling Mayo, Indiana's state drink.

[Smonroe]

That is nonsense the colts don't suck because of one bad game don't worry about the haters they will hate and the colts will stun everybody and go to the playoffs again just don't know how far they will go.

 

You tell em!

 

#Merica!  We beat the metric system and we'll soon elimate grammar!

[Nadine]

Wow, you didn't even read it did you?

 

I must be getting old but that article was not funny at all.  IMO, if a person has to throw a swear word in there every 4 or 5 words it's because he/she is not smart enough to say anything else.

Although some of their points are actually valid but for the most part it was just idiocy written by *s.

agree

I was looking for some onion quality satire like

 

Top Story: Study Finds 79% Of Statistics Now Sobering http://t.co/NyAuVWFNbI pic.twitter.com/orrjgO5lma

— The Onion (@TheOnion)

August 23, 2014

 

 

But instead get a rant like the kind I have to issue warnings for here.

 

I do think it's funny for people to come unhinged after a bad preseason game.........I mean there's material to work with!  Then again I don't think deadspin is known for it's humor. They should not have attempted this

[Warhorse]

Putting (satire) at the end of thread title might be a good idea.

[Smonroe]

Just saw this article online, obviously satire, but hilarious nonetheless. I figured in lieu of our devastating preseason loss on Saturday, it would give some of you either a chuckle, or just make your negative opinions about this team feel more justified. If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was personally written by a handful of Forum members.

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-indianapolis-colts-1617529298

 

There are about 15 articles, each dedicated to a different NFL team. It's worthwhile reading through some of them, they're pretty funny.

 

 They stole this from articles the National Lampoon did decades ago.  It's satire, but just not good satire.

[jameszeigler834]

Wow, you didn't even read it did you?

 

I must be getting old but that article was not funny at all.  IMO, if a person has to throw a swear word in there every 4 or 5 words it's because he/she is not smart enough to say anything else.

Although some of their points are actually valid but for the most part it was just idiocy written by *s.

I hardly even swore one time let alone every four or five words and who cares about what a stupid article says about the colts its probably full of haters anyway.

[Coffeedrinker]

I hardly even swore one time let alone every four or five words and who cares about what a stupid article says about the colts its probably full of haters anyway.

Go back up about 4 or 5 posts because you missed the point.

 

Either that or your sarcasm is well camouflaged and I missed the point.

[Patagonia Chris]

You guys do realize that this has already been discussed multiple times on this board right? They do this for fun every year and yet some people still get butt hurt about it. As a fan, it's usually easier to make fun of my team than to defend it. Drew Margary (The author) isn't really a funny guy, but don't tell him that. The funniest part of the articles are usually the e-mails sent in by other fans. It's nice to read those e-mails because they're easy to relate to if you've ever been to a game.

[Smonroe]

Go back up about 4 or 5 posts because you missed the point.

 

Either that or your sarcasm is well camouflaged and I missed the point.

 

He may be my new favorite poster.  Comprehension does not get in his way!

[crazycolt1]

It is satire people. Quit getting your panties all in a bunch. This is not something new as it has been done before this year. This guy that writes this does this for all of the teams and some find it funny but most don't. I remember he did the same thing last season and yet too many still get take this serious. Lighten up.

[Steamboat_Shaun]

After I posted this one, I read the Seahawks version, which I found to be much funnier. The Bengals one was actually full-on hilarious because of how spot-on it was.

 

Seahawks: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-seattle-seahawks-1625471757

 

Bengals: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-cincinnati-bengals-1626463239

[Warhawk]

Lol @ Tom Raper RV comment.

 

I used to drive back and forth between Connecticut and Illinois for law school, and I swear that for a while there, half the signs on that stretch of highway were double entendres.  Sadly, they seem to have shifted in a slightly less terrifying direction with their advertising.

[Steamboat_Shaun]

Lol @ Tom Raper RV comment.

 

'Raper' has to be one of the worst last names ever. Then to have a commercial where you say it like 5 times is even worse.

[SOMDColtsfan]

So putting "satire" at the end of it makes it "ok" when they talk about something or someone you kinda like? Couldn't help but cringe lol and I never really liked the "roast" comical skits either but that's just me

[southwest1]

After I posted this one, I read the Seahawks version, which I found to be much funnier. The Bengals one was actually full-on hilarious because of how spot-on it was.

 

Seahawks: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-seattle-seahawks-1625471757

 

Bengals: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-cincinnati-bengals-1626463239

I did find these 2 Bengals statement more truthful than funny, but they still made me laugh. 

 

"Andy Dalton. Three playoff games: Six picks, one touchdown. I admire such consistency." It's like the comment that a woman has a nice personality to the question Is she pretty? 

 

"Still just hanging around, like a crappy teacher who got tenure." Yeah, like did Marvin Lewis marry the owners daughter? I would have fired him 2 years ago. I have no idea how Marvin is still working in Ohio.  

 

Yes I realize that the Bengals won their division last year, but they suck in the Playoffs. The are the AFC version of the NFC East Dallas Cowboys with a much better defense. 

 

I just noticed this reply:

 

"Everyone always harps on Dalton's inconsistency. nonsense, I've watched every snap of this man's career and his consistency is remarkable. If your defense is crap, he will destroy you."

 

Truer words were never more accurate. LOL! In college at TCU, he was solid but in the NFL, not so much...

[southwest1]

After I posted this one, I read the Seahawks version, which I found to be much funnier. The Bengals one was actually full-on hilarious because of how spot-on it was.

 

Seahawks: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-seattle-seahawks-1625471757

 

Bengals: http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-cincinnati-bengals-1626463239

Seattle's roast was not that good. Let me use a few examples to illustrate my point. 

 

"Pete Carroll, who oscillates between "benevolent CEO" and "paranoid sleazebucket" depending upon what day it is." 

 

No, no, no. Say something like this Pete Carroll ran away from the University Of Spoiled Children [uSC] to the utopia of the Pacific Northwest faster than RB Marshawn Lynch ran through the Saints defense in 2011.

 

 

Why even mention QB Russell Wilson's divorce at all? That's a private matter not affecting his performance on a football field period. 

 

Since Richard Sherman is known as a shutdown corner who excels at trash talk, make a joke about him joining a monastery & taking a vow of silence to channel his competitive juices in a new direction like a QB who gets a buzz cut to start the season off in a more focused place of zen. LOL!