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Manning Faking Injury


John Waylon

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(This is a satirical news story from my blog. It is in no way true. It is unbelievably sad that I have to make that clear or else someone would believe this...)

http://lolcoltz.blogspot.com/2011/09/lolcoltz-exclusive-manning-faking.html

Great ready to have your mind blown: Peyton Manning isn't injured. Seriously. He's just got other stuff to do this fall.

I met for a meal with Manning Friday night at the Taco Bell on the corner of Washington Street and Lynhurst Avenue, and Peyton was kind enough to speak to me on the record as he downed soft tacos three at a time.

"Truth is, I'm just busy man. Got a lot on my plate, you know," said Manning with a mouth full of taco. "It's like all the stuff around the house that needs done has caught up to me all at once and now I need the time to do it. Take this weekend, for instance... My porch light has been shorting out for months now, and it's just unacceptable. I think Eli screwed it up last time he was over. I caught him trying to hang on it like a monkey or something," Manning said, visibly shaking with anger and squashing a taco in his hand.

So how did he do it? How did Manning pull off the greatest ruse in NFL and sports media history? "Well that was simple: I told them my eyebrow was hurting and they let me go home," admits Manning. "It's not like they could have stopped me, though. I was gone regardless. I haven't pruned my hedges since July. You can't stop a man with un-pruned hedges."

When I asked Manning how seemingly menial jobs to be done around the house could take him all season to finish he confided in me that he also has some bigger plans for this winter: "I'm building a fallout shelter," Manning said, lowering his voice and leaning in as if not to let a word slip to anyone around us. "I'm not sure if you've heard yet, but there's this 2012 thing next year... Stuff's gonna go down. Gonna be real ugly and stuff. So I'm building an underground shelter to escape all of that and keep myself safe. The Mayan calendar is going to end and so is the world as we know it, and I don't know about you, but I want to be prepared when the poo hits the fan."

I reached out to Jeff Saturday, Manning's longtime center and friend, fearing that Peyton had become unstable mentally. Saturday gave me no reason to think otherwise. "Well, yeah, he has been acting weird for a few months. He called me up in May to go hunting for crop circles with him, and he showed up to practice last week with his head wrapped completely in aluminum foil with little slits for his eyes claiming he was trying to keep his thoughts from being stolen by the government, aliens, and the Titans. It took me a while to realize it was him at first because Jim Irsay comes to work like that every day. Once I figured out it was Peyton I knew we might have a problem."

So it appears that Manning is fine physically. Mentally, though, seems to be a whole other story...

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(This is a satirical news story from my blog. It is in no way true. It is unbelievably sad that I have to make that clear or else someone would believe this...)

http://lolcoltz.blogspot.com/2011/09/lolcoltz-exclusive-manning-faking.html

Very cute ,

to get off topic though & I am not a doomsday person but RE your note on

there's this 2012 thing next year... crap's gonna go down. Gonna be real ugly and stuff. So I'm building an underground shelter to escape all of that and keep myself safe. The Mayan calendar is going to end and so is the world as we know it, and I don't know about you, but I want to be prepared when the crap hits the fan."

---------------------

actually

Mayan Calender , confusious , oracle of deplhi and few other prominent names from history all say same thing

Whats interesting is there will be an alignment of planets , stars etc or whatever in the heavens

( in the winter soltice I believe ) that modern man has never experienced and scientists actually dont know what gravitational result will actually happen , pole reversal hasnt been ruled out by any i have read , and that was way before the movie came out

Not saying will keep me up at night waiting to find out , just saying what i read even before the movie put it in the spotlight for awhile

That said, Colts will play that day & Peyton will be back & the gravitational forces will align for his greatest game ever

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Very cute ,

to get off topic though & I am not a doomsday person but RE your note on

there's this 2012 thing next year... crap's gonna go down. Gonna be real ugly and stuff. So I'm building an underground shelter to escape all of that and keep myself safe. The Mayan calendar is going to end and so is the world as we know it, and I don't know about you, but I want to be prepared when the crap hits the fan."

---------------------

actually

Mayan Calender , confusious , oracle of deplhi and few other prominent names from history all say same thing

Whats interesting is there will be an alignment of planets , stars etc or whatever in the heavens

( in the winter soltice I believe ) that modern man has never experienced and scientists actually dont know what gravitational result will actually happen , pole reversal hasnt been ruled out by any i have read , and that was way before the movie came out

Not saying will keep me up at night waiting to find out , just saying what i read even before the movie put it in the spotlight for awhile

That said, Colts will play that day & Peyton will be back & the gravitational forces will align for his greatest game ever

God that movie (2012) was sooooo awful. The inaccuracies, terrible script and horrid clichés (divorced father saving the day for his former family, appearing as a hero in the face of the * step-dad that replaced his role in the family). Honestly I didn't watch the whole thing, made it about 45 minutes in and hit stop.

As to the OP.

I think you're on to something, John. I will set about to prowling the bushes outside of Peyton's mansion and try to photograph him doing strenuous activity to back up your wild claims. Maybe he'll do some roof repair, landscaping or perhaps install an in-ground pool. Either way, he will not get away with this.

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God that movie (2012) was sooooo awful. The inaccuracies, terrible script and horrid clichés (divorced father saving the day for his former family, appearing as a hero in the face of the * step-dad that replaced his role in the family). Honestly I didn't watch the whole thing, made it about 45 minutes in and hit stop.

As to the OP.

I think you're on to something, John. I will set about to prowling the bushes outside of Peyton's mansion and try to photograph him doing strenuous activity to back up your wild claims. Maybe he'll do some roof repair, landscaping or perhaps install an in-ground pool. Either way, he will not get away with this.

he just had twins, maybe he cant read defenses on the kids doubling up against him at this age & needs the time

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God that movie (2012) was sooooo awful. The inaccuracies, terrible script and horrid clichés (divorced father saving the day for his former family, appearing as a hero in the face of the * step-dad that replaced his role in the family). Honestly I didn't watch the whole thing, made it about 45 minutes in and hit stop.

As to the OP.

I think you're on to something, John. I will set about to prowling the bushes outside of Peyton's mansion and try to photograph him doing strenuous activity to back up your wild claims. Maybe he'll do some roof repair, landscaping or perhaps install an in-ground pool. Either way, he will not get away with this.

Yeah, how bout the "step-dad doctor" running around the himalayas in his scrubs. Not looking cold, couldn't see his breath. Even their hair wasn't blowing around in the back of that pick-up. I also couldn't figure out how the devastation from the eruption at that mountain when Woody Harrelson died reached Washington BEFORE Las Vegas where the plane was. Just STUPID! But man, can John Cusack drive an RV, or what?

I can put up with 1 or 2 "stupid things" in a movie, after that i lose interest fast.

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Yeah, how bout the "step-dad doctor" running around the himalayas in his scrubs. Not looking cold, couldn't see his breath. Even their hair wasn't blowing around in the back of that pick-up. I also couldn't figure out how the devastation from the eruption at that mountain when Woody Harrelson died reached Washington BEFORE Las Vegas where the plane was. Just STUPID! But man, can John Cusack drive an RV, or what?

I can put up with 1 or 2 "stupid things" in a movie, after that i lose interest fast.

Cusack is the best RV & Limo driver during armageddon on the face of the planet. I wouldn't want anyone else driving me through an EF5 tornado, epic tsuanmi, volcano, earthquake or hurricane. I vouch for him completely, trust me I would know. I've seen 2012 TWICE!! Ouch!!!!

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i bet he is making the fall out shelter big enough for the entire team so that we can win multiple post apocalyptic super bowls, since we will no longer have any of that pesky competition

Oh no no no... He plans to make it big enough only for himself and a supply of fresh, supple tacos, and a few boxes of tin foil to keep a fresh supply of hats.

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I can believe it,

seriously, if he just had 2 kids-- im sure, the wife would need help and he is the type of man to lend a hand-- again, he also has the ability to hide his prego wife from the media and team--

-- which comes to my next point- which i already mentioned in my indy superbowl-vegas style--thread

-- he probably already had the surgery, and are choosing to mis lead the media-- come one, irsay fought just as hard to get the season back in full swing-- its in indy- they just signed manning to a 5 yr deal--

there are just way to many things that make it seem like a huge roux

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I can believe it,

seriously, if he just had 2 kids-- im sure, the wife would need help and he is the type of man to lend a hand-- again, he also has the ability to hide his prego wife from the media and team--

-- which comes to my next point- which i already mentioned in my indy superbowl-vegas style--thread

-- he probably already had the surgery, and are choosing to mis lead the media-- come one, irsay fought just as hard to get the season back in full swing-- its in indy- they just signed manning to a 5 yr deal--

there are just way to many things that make it seem like a huge roux

Has anyone thought that maybe his wife was never prego. Maybe Peyton had some kind of freaky sci-fi surgery and had the babies via the dna from the bones in his neck. Maybe this whole time he has been trying to make some kind of Super Manning. These Super Mannings will infiltrate the entire worlds government. Then we will all have to eat at Taco Bell and buy his stupid aluminum foil hats at huge mark ups. This man needs stopped!

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Hilarious thread! Reading Johns post, I was glad I wasn't drinking anything. Especially this line: "It took me a while to realize it was him at first because Jim Irsay comes to work like that every day." That explains some of those tweets. :cute: Maybe Peyton will start tweeting.

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it doesnt make sense, in a business world, no one gives out million dollar contract, without doing their due diligence,

the surgery probably has been done already, he is probably already rehabbing, while not taking a beating from the new-offensive line,

im pretty sure he had kids, and that no one knew about it- so that is good enough for me to believe it,

im not saying he is faking the injury, for own personal gain, im just saying, the time line, has been altered

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